One of my only two regrets in life was not plundering the so-called "family" business before disowning the family because I value morals over comfort in practice.
Now the past 2 years I have invested in a rich old lady's venture through my godfather. Didn't exactly hit the jackpot and paying the bills has been hard. I have been advancing the past few months. Eventually she got confused and gave me a cheque for a month I already cashed.
I found out at home when I opened the envelope. The temptation was instant but my mind was made up in a minute. The nagging in the head was ceaseless though and it was almost physically painful especially when I think about the children and how the amount is exactly what I need to even out the budget.
When I told the wife the temptation for her is also instant. But I told her I'm going to return it even though my benefactor is pretty rich and the money won't be missed othetwise I have no business going to church. And I will not be the hypocrites that my parents are and also I refuse to acknowledge any similarities with them. The mere though of me justifying evil the way they do is repugnant. more of it has got to do with how much I despise them rather than being morally upright. Nevertheless my moral integrity shall not bend. She agreed wholly.
I went back the next day as swift as possible so I can finally shut the nagging temptation in my head. She thought I was back the next day to further discuss the employment she's been offering me since January. We did discuss it. Afterwards I informed her about the cheque and gave it back. Didn't get a thank you other than extra change for next month's dividend which I advanced.
The next day really hit me as I was meditating in the wc (as usual) I NEVER learn! I never fucking learn. This is the second time I should have been an opportunist instead of an idealist. Why am I always an opportunist in theory but always bend to morals in real life. I'm very fucking stupid.
Anyway, as I said in another of this board's topics I'm leaving school early so I can start getting some salary soon. She discussed about what papers I shall need when she introduce me to whoever it is that handles those things in her company. The fucking surprise tho is that she is going to send me to the garage not as a mechanic which I have been aspiring the past 2 years but as the guy in charge of purchasing parts. She said the guy I'm going to replace will be retiring soon due to old age and she needs someone she can trust. No wonder she has asked me a dozen times wether I know how to drive cos I'm gonna be on the road a lot. Well fuck I'm one of the best drivers out there and not a single accident in my record

she said I can still be a mechanic when I'm not busy I can help out with the real mechanics. I'm not going to make this any longer. Light work, lots of free time, occasional chance to work with trucks and definitely better salary than the other guys. I'm good

fuck being dishonest. Fuck the devil. Fuck you satan and go to hell